Recently my friend and I had a conversation about abundance. I’m in a space where my faith is wavering due to my 13 month unemployment status and my perpetual left sided handicap due to stroke. It’s difficult for me to see from where the abundance is coming because I’m in the middle of my trial.
My friend asked me a simple question that I can’t get out of my mind. The question was, “Don’t you think that God is big enough to deliver you from unemployment and back to complete health into the abundance of His promise?”
Well, I didn’t answer him in the moment, but I’ll answer now. I was taught to spew stock answers like, “Stand on God’s Word,” “Hold on to God’s unchanging hand,” and “Have the faith of a mustard seed – just believe.”
The truth is that I can’t see the result, so I feel that I have no faith. My observation is that before I became ill, three years ago, I always had favor in the workplace. Whenever I interviewed for a job, I always got it. And now when I interview, I am often told that I’m not the “right fit.” I’m even experiencing employers and friends with hiring influence not returning my phone calls.
So 13 months and counting, I still have mortgage payments, food to buy and bills to pay. Without employment how am I going to survive? I liken myself to Job who had God’s favor with family, money and abundance and then it was all taken away in order to test his faith. I actually feel like God’s forgotten me, so when I’m asked if I believe that God is abundant and wants us to be also, it’s difficult to say yes.
I’m in the fire, and I even stopped attending church on a regular basis. What is the point of praising a God who is allowing this trial to go on and on? Whether I praise God or not, I’m still without gainful employment. You see, Job was phenomenal as an example of someone who has faith; I’m honestly not there. No example at all. However, within the 13 months I’ve not gone one day without a meal and my bills get paid.
So I realize that God is looking after me. But I’m not Job, I’m white knuckling my life day after day and I’m ready for the abundance to flow. I also realize that I must be obedient and be in communication with God regularly, so I can hear when he speaks to me. That is when He’ll release the latch off the barn door of blessings and tell me He’s been with me all of the time. He’s just waiting to hear my voice.
“Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?”
-Matthew 6:30 (KJV)
“Father, first I want to thank You for the many blessings that you’ve given to me through this rough physical and financial time. Please forgive me for my unbelief, and I thank You for loving me and giving me the gift of life after a traumatic illness. I know that You inhabit our praises and we as believers can praise our way through hard times. Give me the desire to keep Your Word on my mind, in my heart and in my conversation. It’s not about me; it’s about You, Your way and Your time. Thank You for the strength to endure. Thank You for divine favor and for the people in my life that love me. You are the only living God ,and I do desire to be unwavering in my faith. Thank You in advance for the gift of faith. Without faith it is impossible to please You…”